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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Did We Just Say That Out Loud??

While the Boston Red Sox have banned beer in the clubhouse after games this season, it's pretty apparent that SOMETHING is in the Gatorade in other dugouts.  Players around the league are opening their mouths and some pretty incredible things are coming out of them.

Cole Hamels drills rookie stud Bryce Harper and then openly admits that it was definitely intentional?  What was he thinking?

Repeat after me Cole..."The pitch got away from me.  It was meant to be inside, but it kinda ran a little further than I expected."  Is that really so hard to say? 

Ehhh...the consequences aren't as dire as some think when they hear about a "five game suspension.”  With a five man rotation, Cole rests four days as it is.  To give a guy an extra day off in May isn't necessarily a bad MLB!

Maybe Cole is just trying to shake off the pretty boy image and seem tougher?  Ehhhhhh, it aint workin', but nice try Cole!

Jamie Moyer is accusing Chipper Jones of stealing signs?  SO WHAT!?!  In addition to drinking the wacky fluids, Moyer may also be suffering from old age.  The stealing of signs in baseball has happened for ohhhhhh, let's see...maybe 140 years?  That was right around when Jamie was a rookie, wasn't it?   

In the old days, it was considered an art.  When I played in high school, our coach would tell the bench players to study the third base coach and see if they could figure out what the bunt and steal signs were.  Jamie needs to stop being a baby and blaming getting rocked on signs being stolen.  You're flippin’ it up there at 76 miles an hour,'s going to get hit!

Of course, Chipper is obviously sipping the crazy juice, too.  He responded to Moyer's accusations by challenging Moyer to a fight!?  Come to think about it...I'd really like to see Jamie Moyer fight Chipper Jones.  I smell Pay-Per-View!  I'll take Chipper in round 3 with a TKO!

Lastly, Jayson Werth gets the crown for drinking wild berry liquids. 

After breaking his wrist and being berated by Phillies fans as he struggled off the field, Werth was obviously under the influence of SOMETHING when he said, "I'm going to do everything I can to keep those guys from another parade down Broad Street."

Ok, so here's an open note to all Nationals players and fans....THE PHILLIES DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU!  Nope, not at all.  Not one bit.  ZIP. ZERO.  Sorry, but you are NOT the Phillies’ rival.  The Mets and Braves both can lay a much better claim to that. 

A reporter asked Phils closer, Jon Papelbon, about the "so-called rivalry" that is developing.  Pap is definitely the wrong guy to ask about rivalries since he just came from a land where the Red Sox battle the Yankees on a regular basis.  Now THAT'S a rivalry!

Nationals Park just allows for a very convenient place for Phillies fans to easily get cheap lower-level box seats that's not too far away from home.  If the Orioles were in the NL East, Phillies fans would be flocking to Camden Yards instead.  It would save everybody an extra hour of driving if we could somehow make that happen.

The Nats are vastly improved and their future is extremely bright, but their start this season does not automatically make them an elite ummmmmm.....the PHILLIES!?!

And while I'm still talking about the Nats, can somebody take their GM, Mike Rizzo, aside and explain to him that he sounded like a whining, crying female dog when he reacted to Cole Hamels’ remarks about hitting Bryce Harper.  Waaaaaaaahhhhh!

Maybe Rizzo and Werth can sit together in the stands for the next 12 weeks and try to figure out a way to be more like the Phillies organization instead of crying and yapping to the press?!?

Commissioner Selig!  Check those water coolers, please!  Something crazy is happening and it's not even June yet!  It must be in the water!

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